Oral sex. Going down. Eating out. Muff diving. Cunnilingus. Giving head.
Whatever you call it, it’s a skill everyone should master not only for the sake of their partner, but also for the general well-being of their relationship as a whole.
A little head goes a long ways, and when it comes to going down on your girl, quality is better than quantity.
This oral sex guide will cover:
- 5 benefits of giving a woman good head
- A quick anatomy lesson of her key erogenous zones
- A 10-step blueprint for amazing oral sex every time
- 5 additional cunnilingus techniques to experiment with for more pleasure
- Common FAQs about giving and receiving oral sex
Be ready to get a lot of practice in – because once you master the techniques and tips in this guide, you’re girl is going to be begging you not to stop! As this SNL classic put it:
Once a woman is introduced to Colonel Angus, she’ll settle for nothing less!
Let’s go downtown and get to it.
Benefits to Giving Amazing Oral Sex
Not convinced as to why you should care about giving your girl amazing head?
For starters, you don’t want to get replaced by a machine. Suction vibrators like the Womanizer can deliver intense orgasms by simulation suction similar to oral sex, without all the mess and drama and “Strings attached” that comes with being in a serious relationship.
In all seriousness (no, you won’t actually be replaced by a machine), here are 5 major benefits to giving her an O with your tongue on the regular:
Benefit #1 – She’ll Cum Harder
Most women, somewhat famously, don’t have a refractory period after orgasm. This means that, with proper attention, she can effectively chain orgasms one after another, where each one takes her to a higher high and more blissful state.
And for most women, that first orgasm is the hardest one. If you can make her come once, the floodgates open (sometimes literally), and more orgasms are usually much easier to achieve.
If you can give her a solid O or two before you even enter her, she’ll already be on cloud 9 and is much more likely to have more (and more, and more…)
Benefit #2 – You Don’t Need to Last as Long
Are you a sensitive guy? Not emotionally, we mean that in the literal sense.
If you have problems around cumming too quickly with your girl, then you really ought to learn how to give amazing head. There’s nothing worse than a sexual encounter that leaves one partner unsatisfied.
If this is you, don’t feel bad – doctors estimate that roughly 20-30% of all men will face premature ejaculation problems at some point in their lives. It just means you need to do some extra work to address the problem for your partner’s sake.
In line with benefit #1, if she’s already orgasm’d once before you begin, then there’s much less pressure on you to be a marathon man.
Benefit #3 – Give and Take…
The golden rule of a healthy sex life:
Do unto your partner as you would have them do unto you.
If you like receiving head as a guy, then you’d better love giving it, too.
Sex is a two-way street, and if you expect something from your partner, you’d better be willing to return that favor, at least some of the time.
One 2016 study found that, among 900 college students surveyed:
- 59% of women gave oral sex to their partner, while only 52% of men did.
- However, 63% of men surveyed received oral sex, while only 44% of women survey did.
- Interestingly, 52% of men reported that giving oral sex was ‘very pleasurable’ while only 28% of women reported it as such.
This means that women are giving more oral sex than they’re getting. Even more unfair, women like doing it less, which means they’re much more willing to ‘take one for the team’ than guys are.
Guys, you gotta step it up. Real men aren’t afraid to go down on a woman. It feels good for her, and she’ll be more likely to return the favor for you and give you some amazing oral sex back.
Benefit #4 – She’ll Get Wetter
Not only from your saliva as you go down on her, but as she gets more turned on and warmed up she’ll naturally start lubricating and getting her juices flowing.
Once you switch over to PIV sex, it’ll blow your mind how much sexier and wetter she feels. Plus, no one likes getting chafed on their private parts.
Some women also have natural problems with producing enough natural lubrication. Studies show that 17% of pre-menopausal women face problems with vaginal dryness, which means it’s up to you to do your part and help get her faucet flowing.
If that’s the case with your partner, then you’re definitely going to need to spend some quality time going down on her to make sure she’s nice and wet before any penetration.
Benefit #5 – Oral Sex Builds Trust
In line with benefit #3, going down on your partner is an intimate act for both of you that can deepen trust and help expand your sexual relationship.
If you show her that you care enough about her needs to give her an orgasm with your tongue, then she might be open to trying some more adventurous things that you want to try.
Plus it will help you get to know her body better. Each women’s erogenous zones (more on this in a bit) respond differently, and the more familiar you get with her body, the better your overall sex life will be.
You might even help her discover some things about how she likes to get off that she didn’t know before!
One key aspect to being great at giving head to your girl is to be able to listen to her and discuss what she likes and doesn’t like after each time you have sex. Each woman is going to prefer different things, and to give her truly amazing orgasms you’ll need to adapt your technique to her rhythm.
Cunnilingus is just like Texas Hold Em’ in one major way:
It takes 5 minutes to learn, and a lifetime to master.
The 5 Key Erogenous Zones (Pleasure Spots) You need to Know
It’s not often we get to quote the Big Lebowski seriously, but Jackie Treehorn was right about something: the brain is the largest erogenous zone in the body.
It feels like a cop out to call the brain an erogenous zone, but for women especially it really is the most important of all of them.
Men are notoriously visual and direct in their arousal and desire patterns (although mental stimulation is still important for men). It’s often enough for a guy to see something that attracts him, and all the gears will kick into motion and he’ll be more or less ready to go.
With women, it’s more complicated. Context matters. Emotion matters. For most women to get turned on, she has to feel sexy and emotionally connected on more than a surface-deep level. If she doesn’t feel sexy or confident, she may not even let you go down on her.
There are endless ways to make her feel sexy, but to list a few:
- Let her take a long bath and enjoy some wine or a cocktail
- Give her a massage that leads into sexy time
- Be a good partner – do something thoughtful for her benefit that she didn’t ask you to do
- Take her on a date or out to do something fun together
- Cook her a nice meal
- Just kiss and make out for a while before progressing sexually
Notice how most of those don’t even take place in the bedroom. The first step to being an amazing partner in bed and give her mind-blowing orgasms is to be an amazing partner outside of bed.
The Labia & Vulva
Ok, as far as physical erogenous zones go, the first thing you’ll encounter is her vulva – the visible outer part of the vagina. Specifically, her labia – the two folds of skin most men mistakenly think of as “the vagina.” Keep in mind there’s the labia majora (outer, thicker lips) and the labia minora (smaller inner lips).
The labia aren’t major erogenous zones like the clit or G-spot – they have a much smaller density of nerve endings – but still have enough sensitive nerve endings and they do feel good when stimulated.
And, given there’s so much talk about finding the clitoris, most men make the mistake and go hunting for the thing right away. Relax and slow down, good oral sex is a marathon, not a sprint. Don’t be racing to the finish line.
Kiss her lower abdomen and inner thighs, and wag your tongue over her labia as you slowly circle toward the clit. Use hot “aaaaah” breaths to blow warm air over her wet labia. Use your fingers to gently massage and tickle the sides of her labia majora.
Spend a good 3-5 minutes here, making her beg for you to finally get to her clit.
The clitoris is the HQ and mission central of your women’s pleasure spots. Studies have shown that more women can orgasm through clitoral stimulation than vaginal penetration alone:
While 18.4% of women reported that intercourse alone was sufficient for orgasm, 36.6% reported clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse, and an additional 36% indicated that, while clitoral stimulation was not needed, their orgasms feel better if their clitoris is stimulated during intercourse.Women’s Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm
Thus, getting her clit nice and warmed up should be your primary goal during oral sex. Keep in mind the clitoris is extremely sensitive – too much stimulation or pressure right off the bat can be uncomfortable and even painful.
As with pretty much every part of giving oral sex: start slow and up the intensity over time.
Make sure she’s getting nice and wet (either from your saliva or her own juices) before you do too much direct stimulation. However once she’s warmed up the clit will engorge with blood and become much more resilient to added stimulation and pressure.
Keep in mind the clitoris comes from the same bundle of nerves that, in guys, will form into the penis. So anything you’d like her to do while giving you a blowjob, will probably also feel good on her clitoris.
Suck on the clit and roll it between your lips. Swirl your tongue in circles around the head. Stick your tongue out firm and use direct “up-down” strokes. Spread her labia minora apart and tickler it with the tip of your tongue. Variety is the spice of life.
The Grafenberg Spot – or G spot for short – is a rather controversial topic these days. Once the holy grail of female sexuality, there’s now significant debate on whether it even exists, and if it does exist, is it just an extension of the clitoris?
We’ll leave those deeper discussions and semantics for another article. We have enough anecdotal evidence that stimulating “the area formerly known as the G-spot” is effective for at least a significant chunk of women, so it’s definitely worth trying with your partner.
The G-spot is between 2-3 inches inside, on the front wall of the vagina. If you stick your index finger inside her to a little past the second knuckle, and make a “come here” motion, you’ll be rubbing against the G-spot.
Like the clitoris, it’s going to be sensitive at first. Start with slow circles around it and light pressure. But, over time, it will also swell up (up to 50% larger) from the stimulation and become more resilient to more pressure and speed.
The A-spot (or Deep Spot)
Was finding the G-spot hard enough for you? Another erogenous zone whose full name is the anterior fornix – but you can just call it the A-spot.
Located about 2 inches past the G-spot, it’s deep inside the vagina between the cervix and bladder. A total of about 4-5 inches inside.
Not too much is known about the A-spot, but research suggests it’s closely linked and may be an extension of the G-spot. Although the same controversies exist here, with other researchers not fully convinced that it even exists.
How to Give Her Mind-Blowing Oral Sex
Okay, we’ve reviewed the benefits of being an oral sex master and done a quick anatomy primer so you know what to aim for. Let’s get to the main event with a step-by-step checklist that you can follow to give her amazing orgasms via oral sex.
Keep in mind, routine sex is anything but exciting. Think of this oral sex checklist as a rough blueprint, rather than a detailed step-by-step guide that must be followed every time.
Here’s a list of 10 steps to give your girl amazing orgasms from oral sex every time:
- Make sure she’s feeling sexy
Do something thoughtful. Compliment her. Give her some TLC time. Light some candles. Something to make her feel sexy.
- Do some “pre-foreplay”
Make out for a little bit. Take off your / her clothes slowly. Give her a sexy back massage. Set the mood.
- Kiss her other erogenous zones
While you’re making out, start kissing around her ears and neck. Move down to the nape of her neck, then to her breasts and nipples. Finally make your way down her stomach and to her inner thighs. Take your time and enjoy her body.
- Work up to her clitoris
Slowly make circles around her inner thigh and labia. Use your tongue or light finger massage. Do this for several minutes until she’s practically begging you to suck her clit.
- Start slow, and gradually speed up
Think ‘Karate Kid’; paint the fence, sand the floor, wax on, wax off. Do all these motions with your tongue, while slowly upping the speed and intensity. Grab her hips and pull her clit onto your tongue for a slow, deep lick. Place your lips around her clit and suck inwards, like a straw. Get creative and do this for at least 5-10 minutes.
- Let her know you’re enjoying it
If you’re turned on, she’ll be turned on. Moan with pleasure and tell her how much her pussy turns you on. Don’t be coy about it, now is the time to lead by example and show how turned on you are by her and her body.
- Add vaginal penetration
There’s a chance she already had an orgasm by now, but if not you can up the intensity by using your fingers. Start with one finger and make sure she’s plenty wet. Stick it in and make a beckoning motion to gently find her G-spot. After a minute or two, add another 1 (or 2) fingers, and slowly increase the pressure. We recommend using the middle and ring finger, almost as if you’re grabbing a bowling ball.
- Get in the zone
At a certain point, you’ll probably find a combination of techniques and pressure that seems to really be working. Hopefully she’ll tell you when you find it. At this point, keep doing that exact combination of things for several minutes and drive her over the top for her first mind-blowing orgasm.
- Repeat until the desired number of orgasms have been had
Once you’ve given her an O, you can go back to the drawing board and try some new rhythms and techniques. Now is a good time to experiment with some of the advanced techniques. Repeat until she’s begging you to actually fuck her.
- Talk it over
The best techniques for oral sex will vary wildly from partner to partner. In order to be great at it, you need to talk about what worked and what didn’t so you can get even better results next time.
Advanced Oral Sex Techniques
Ok, with the basics out of the way we can get into 5 more advanced things you can try to really spice up oral sex with your partner.
Using a Dildo
Rather than use your fingers to hit the G-spot, you can use a dildo instead. There are generally 2 different kinds of dildos that work well for this:
- Bulbed dildos – like the nJoy Pure Wand that are designed to apply pressure directly to erogenous zones like the G-spot.
- Thick dildos – like the Tantus VIP. These are less targeted at the G-spot directly, as these aim to provide an overall feeling of fullness. That fullness will indirectly stimulate the G-spot, and also every other nerve ending in your partner’s vagina.
You can also use an internal vibrating dildo effectively while going down on your girl. External vibes like bullets, magic wands, suction vibes, and eggs are all basically doing the same job you are stimulating the clitoris, and aren’t really suitable for assisting oral sex.
But using a vibrating dildo internally can send powerful waves through the G-spot, work their way up to the clitoris, and back to hard-to-reach spots like the A-spot.
69, the Magic Number
What if she demands on going down on you but you’re not done going down on her yet? That’s a high quality problem with one obvious win-win solution: good old 69.
We find 69’in to always be sexier in theory than practice, but it’s still a fun, sexy thing to try to shake things up with your partner. It lets you both get lost in pleasuring the other person and learn to take your time.
The hardest part about 69’ing is getting the logistics right so that it doesn’t ruin the sexy mood you’ve built up that that point. We’ll cover this more in another post, but the critical decision you have to make is who’s on top?
Some women will prefer to be the bottom for dominance reasons, however it can be practical for her to be on top if you’re significantly bigger. Work it out beforehand, or, better yet – make a deal to switch after 5 minutes so you both get to experience both ways.
We’ll also be devoting a full article to this topic, but facesitting can be a great way to add a kinky flair to oral sex.
The biggest problem is that many girls may feel weird being in such a dominant position. If she’s hesitant about it, a great way to bridge the gap is get her in the classic doggy-style position, then flip underneath her, grab her hips, and “go up” on her.
This is a great way to get in some sexy facesitting while still maintaining the traditional dominance roles in the relationship. And if your girl is already fine taking charge and sitting on your face – well more power to you.
Be warned: if you’ve never had your significant other sit on your face before, your tongue will get tired faster than you think!
Yet another topic deserving of its own blog post. Rimming, or eating ass, went from what used to be considered fairly taboo, to the memey sex act of the past decade.
The fact is, whether you’re a guy or a girl, your asshole has a variety of nerve endings that also feel great when licked. Plus it just feels naughty and kinky, if you’re both into that sort of thing.
Rimming is still a fairly controversial topic, so make sure you give your girl a heads up before going down on her asshole. You’ll both want to be sure you’re on the same page and that she’s had a chance to wash up and feel sexy about it beforehand!
She’s Just Not That Into It
Keep in mind, not every woman is into receiving oral sex, and not every woman wants it every time you initiate a sexual encounter.
Receiving oral sex is just as intimate as giving it, and your girl may stop you if she’s not feeling clean, or just not confident in her vagina that day.
There is also a small subset of people – both men and women – who view oral sex as a submissive act (we disagree), and some women may be put off by a guy who’s too into giving head. All we can say is: their loss.
So don’t take it personally if she declines – all you can do is offer, and if she says no it’s probably for reasons beyond your control.
Keep in mind some women can be sensitive about their vaginas, due to bad experiences with past partners, or even from fake standards they’ve seen in the media and/or porn (just like men can be sensitive about their penis size for the same reasons).
If she’s reluctant to let you go down there at all then it’s time to have a discussion and let her know just how sexy you think she is and how you’d like to do this for her, to see her get off in incredible ways.
It can be incredibly rewarding for both of you if you help your partner through these confidence issues, as being able to relax while receiving oral sex is incredibly empowering to someone who finds it difficult to do. It can even open up other doors in the bedroom if you play your cards right and everything comes from a place of respect.
Here are some of the most frequently asked questions we’ve heard regarding cunnilingus:
Manly. Her labia and clitoris are so soft and feminine, and it’s so rewarding to feel her get progressively wetter from everything you do. It’s so sexy to feel her start to orgasm from just your tongue and hands. It also creates anticipation for actual penetration for both of you, which makes it so much better when it finally happens.
“Like a soft, sloppy french kiss on the most sensitive part of your body.” Getting oral sex lets you fully relax into the pleasure – no need to balance or hold yourself up, or to flex muscles to ‘brace for impact.’ When receiving head, you can just lie back and let the waves of pleasure roll over you.
By communicating honestly and directly with your partner. Unfortunately, there’s really no way to practice without a partner, as every woman will be turned on by different things. Having a partner isn’t enough – you need that partner to communicate and tell you what feels good, and what doesn’t. It takes two to tango, after all.
It depends from guy to guy, but studies show that most men have no problems giving head. While not every guy loves it, many of the negative stereotypes around men giving oral sex have disappeared over the past 2-3 decades, and more than 50% of guys now actively like going down on their significant others. We think it’s incredibly empowering for both men and women to enjoy giving and receiving oral sex.
The answer, as always, is “it depends.” 5-10 minutes is more than enough time to get her warmed up and get the juices flowing. But if your goal is to give her an orgasm with just oral sex, then plan on 15-20 minutes, or more. If that seems like a long time, you need to work on your tongue endurance!
Yes, it is possible to contract a wide variety of STDs from oral sex, just like any other form of sex. Herpes is by far the most common when oral sex is concerned, but chlamydia, gonorrhea, HPV, HIV, and syphilis are all possible to contract when going down on your partner. If your partner does have an STD, you can always use a dental dam to stay protected. Having poor oral hygiene or open sores in the mouth also makes it easier to contract STDs during cunnilingus.
The same reason women are so bad at giving hand jobs. People are inherently bad at working with genitals of the opposite sex, because they don’t directly know how anything feels. The only way for your man to get better at giving head is to tell him directly what you do and don’t like, and help him learn the intricacies of your body.
It’s possible, but almost always no. Vaginas do have a certain natural musky taste and scent, but it’s generally very mild and most men find it to be a turn on. We like feeling you get aroused as we go down on you. If there’s ever a strong odor or taste coming from the vagina, it could be a sign that something is off and should be looked at by an OB/GYN.
The biggest tip before going down on your girl
We’ve touched on it throughout this article, but in order to have amazing oral sex, you have to COMMUNICATE!
You have to ask your partner ahead of time what they like and if they’re even into it, and they have to actually tell you and give you pointers while you’re learning.
A good sex life isn’t built on having all the best sex toys – it’s built on trust and open communication. Learning to give awesome oral sex is no different – both of you have to work together toward this shared goal of amazing orgasms.
So anyways, that’s it. Do you have any follow-up questions that we can add to the article? Or a secret technique you’d be willing to share?
Let us know in the comments and we’ll keep the post updated!
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